Would You Rather?
Ok, I encourage all of you to play along at home and answer in the comments. For more “WOULD YOU RATHER?” visit the forum.
Here are my answers and reasons why:
Would I rather have Charley Manson or George Bush run my own personal cult?
I believe to run a cult effectively you need more than just a batshit crazy person. You need someone who ACTUALLY believes what they are saying. And for that purpose, I choose George W. Bush to run a cult. He’s tinge on the crazy side, but he actually believes everything he says. Manson = Just batshit crazy.
Would you rather have your eyes plucked by a crow, or balls ripped off by a Kodiak Bear?
First, I ask myself, “Why a Kodiak Bear? Why not a Black bear or Grizzly Bear?” And I can’t answer myself. Kodiak just sounded funnier to me in regards to having one’s nuts torn asunder. Alas, I’ll have to go with having my eyes plucked out. One, because there’s a good chance we’ll have bionic eyes like Jordi LaForge on Star Trek (hey, it could happen!) and two, because blind people can still have sex. It’s just like having the lights out, right? I challenge you, no man would pick anything held up to having your goods removed. It’s funny how men will weigh the terrible options…. So what if I don’t have eyes!? I can still bust a nut.
Would you rather be analy assaulted by Charlie Sheen or Kirk Douglas?
Wow. This is a tough one, because of course, I’d rather not have that done period– but staying true to the game, I’m going to have to pick Kirk Douglas. He’s old, and weak, plus he has the bonus of being “stroked out” which gives you a 75% chance that half his penis isn’t working or doesn’t work much at all. Sheen probably has more STDs than you could imagine, and he’s relatively young, which means it would be more vigorous, strong like bull. When faced with a choice like this, always go with the less painful. Old Kirk could surprise you though.
There it is in a nutshell.
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Recent Topics: Charlie Sheen, Charles Manson, George Bush, Kirk Douglas, Bears, Crows, Painful, Would You Rather?, Joey Manley
March 28th, 2006 at 9:50 am
I think I’d have to go with Kirk up the bum too. He looks like he’d be a cuddler.
Tight strip, DJ. Props.
March 28th, 2006 at 9:55 am
“Manley’s Own Butt Lube”. I wouldn’t trust my anal lubrication to anything less.
March 28th, 2006 at 12:34 pm
Yo..
Gotta go with the nut removal via angry ersine.
I pay child support on 3 children. 1, the mom asked me not to see the child from birth.. I agreed, but 3 years later, she took me to court, and now I am out $100 a week.
The second, I JUST found out about.. through a court order.. that 9 years ago, a one nioght stand produced another kid.. I am now out an additional $70 a week for a child I was never told about.
The third was born into a marriage 4 years ago. I cared for this child, supported the mom through college, and the child means the world to me.
I now pay $65 a week so that her mom.. who refuses to get more than a part time $6 hour job can go buy smokes.
Fuck my nuts.
March 28th, 2006 at 12:44 pm
I think your problem area is a little farther north, buddy. Keep your junk in your pants, dude. Shit!
March 28th, 2006 at 1:36 pm
Manson for the cult - being batshit crazy I can incorporate my own ideas. I think Bush would at least attempt to turn my personal cult into his.
I’d rather have my genitalia ripped off/out, I think - I use my eyes much more frequently.
And I’d pick Charlie Sheen for sheer looks. I also think he’d be less creepy.
March 28th, 2006 at 7:14 pm
I’ve got to go with nut-removal too. It’s kind of hard to score chicks with gouged out eyes. Also, as an artist, you should put a higher premium on your peepers…shame! Now just one eye? Pluck that fucker out!
March 28th, 2006 at 8:55 pm
Having George W. Bush run my cult would be awesome. He A) Has loads of connections B) Is worshipped by millions. Millions of rednecks with guns instead of goth freaks with livejournals. And C) has mad not-getting-sent-to-prison skills. I mean, DAMN. Clinton got by by having people feel sorry for him, but everyone knew he was guilty. Bush actually convinces enough people that he’s innocent of the things he does. That’s really not a tough one at all.
Second one is a bit tougher (this is like an adaptive test). I’d go with balls ripped off. It’d probably hurt more, but I think maybe some sort of surgery ameliorate the damage to an extent. If not, well, abstinence isn’t so bad. Well, it’s not really “abstinence” if you just don’t get any. I abstain from nothing. But no eyes? I just can’t see my life not being horrible if that were to happen. I might be down for losing a leg below the knee, especially in a cool way. Even both legs. And I could put up with losing a hand, or even my nads. But my eyes? Fuck that. Sounds hard at first, but it’s really no contest.
The last one is the hardest. Both are equally awesome actors, but Charlie Sheen more in a goofy way. And now that I think about it the thought alone of Kirk Douglas naked is horrifying. And I think people would be less upset if I killed Charlie Sheen than if I killed Kirk Douglas. So I guess Charlie Sheen it is.
March 28th, 2006 at 8:58 pm
Oh hell, I just realized Charlie has lube and Kirk does not. That means he’s more considerate. Definitely the lesser evil.
March 28th, 2006 at 9:00 pm
Oh, and when I said, “both are equally awesome actors,” I meant it would ruin the same number of movies for me, not that I’d rather be raped by a better actor. I’d rather be raped by someone whose movies sucked.
March 29th, 2006 at 8:18 am
1) Manson, cause LSD is way cooler than the Bible (and cocaine, Dubya, and cocaine…)
2) Balls, cause I’m not getting kids anyway. And Frank Zappa taught me you could have sex without balls (except now it shoots too quick)
3) Charlie, cause I’m not into geriatric anal sex
March 31st, 2006 at 1:01 am
hahaha Ass Hat