No, not Suicide, you motherfuckz! That’s the OTHER guy’s M.O. ….

Anyway, last night, I was annoyed because the shower head we had installed like 2 years ago, by some punk contractor, was all wobbly. It’s been wobbly for some time and it annoys me. He didn’t install it right and it just got worse and worse. So, me being the daring repair man of a cartoonist I am, I decide ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, I’m fixing it!!!

NAKED… well, you see, I was about to take a shower when I decided I needed to fix this. So, imagine me naked with one of those CENSOR bars across my hoo hah. (a 9 inch censor bar, for the fans) — Also, I realize, OH MY GOD, I HAVE THE TOOLS TO DO THIS JOB! THE PROPER TOOLS! Because I had bought this drill bit set with all sorts of doodads in it months before for a ridiculously low price. Couldn’t pass it up…. so there I am… naked…. with my tools.

Now, women have told me, men lack common sense. And you know, they’re fucking right. Something in my primitive mind told me, “I got this, no problem!” — I locked the bathroom door, so my wife wouldn’t come around and laugh at me, and so that our 4 year old wouldn’t run in to steal my tools and be scared for life when he saw his Dad mounted high above the shower naked… And there I was, one foot on one side of the porcelain tub, and the other on the other side of the wall, as I removed the showerhead…. I was at this for a good while. And finally adjusted it right and thought SUCCESS!!!! But when I went to take a shower, the little “o” ring inside must have been off, becasue it was leaking water out. DAMMIT!!!

Bound and determined to fix this stupid thing, and cursing the idiot we payed to put this damn thing in… I stopped my shower and got up there to remove the thing again, and adjust the seal…. I put the big shower head thingy in the tub and was up examining the pipe to make sure I didn’t put any holes in it, because I’m a dumbass. So… yeah, I’m wet and naked… the shower is all wet and when I went to step down carefully… SWOOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BANG!!!!! CRACKKK!!!

I fell like a ton of bricks right down into the tub like cartoon character, and the big shower head jammed into my back, my head bashed against the tub and I jacked up my hip and my elbow. It stunned me for a second and I thought….

“Oh crap… I locked the door, and now I’m in here knocked out and naked with a big chunk of metal jammed in my back.”

It hurt like a motherfucker… and I yelled for my wife. Now, she didn’t answer. She had heard the loud noise and clanging around and thought i broke the friggin pipes and she was about to yell at me… I dragged myself out of the tub, all jacked up, and opened the door and collapsed in pain and yelled for her again… she came in and said “Oh my god, are you ok??”

DUH!!! I’m lying naked with a giant welt on my back and gritting my teeth in pain and holding the back of my head!

Now, the common sense thing would be for a person to stop and realize they were fool. My wife says to stop, and I’m like NO! I’m fixing it!!! She’s like “the tub is wet, and you’re wet, DUH.” — But I hobbled up there again like a dumbass…. I finally did fix it… but I feel like I got my ass kicked.

This morning, my symptoms were only an achey back, and a sore elbow and hip where it took the brunt of the fall. At one point I thought my thumb might be broken, and my only thought was: “I’m gonna have to draw withtout my thumb and in pain, and I’m not going to miss a comic, ever. If I’m awake and breathing, I’m drawing. Even if it’s chicken scratch.”

I’m not complaining.. that’s for sure. I always think about the young men and women over in warzones or military hospitals. So I can TOTALLY deal with a bum elbow and sore back. Dammit, I fixed that shower though!

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